You know that they are not the closest person to you, it is even possible that you talk only a few times a year, but the pain is still chilling. Why would we suffer for someone we obviously don't need to be a part of our daily lives? Do we have the right to suffer at all? Shouldn't we leave this to the people closest to them? When a distant friend leaves, perhaps our daily lives would not change much visibly. After all, we haven't been talking every day, have we? But something in us breaks, something is completely out of place. When such a friend leaves, a part of us goes with them. We may not have seen each other for 5 years, but they are the ones who knew who we were back then. And now they are gone, the memory of us fades. This pain is definitely more special, but I dare say it is not at all milder. It is an integral part of our lives and we will encounter it at some point. I think that it is always relevant, and that it is something that everyone can refract through their own prism and find their own conclusions in this article. I realise it's not a fun reading, but not everything in life is fun, and sometimes it's nice to read something that corresponds to your pain and helps you to cope with it, at least a little. Especially when you are so young and still looking for your place in the world.
Being part of the Erasmus Student Network, one of the things that happens to us for sure is that we make friends with people from all over the world. I believe this is the best thing a young person can experience. I also think this is the biggest plus and the most exciting thing about the adventure called Erasmus.
However, like most things in life, this too has another side, a dark one. Namely the loss of these new friends. No one is prepared for this moment, whether you are losing a friend you talk to every day, or someone you just wish happy birthday to. Pain is pain, no matter in what form it is presented to us. Losing a friend with whom you have shared some of the most unforgettable memories in your life, in addition to bringing you pain, takes a part of you away. A piece of the person you once were dies, because that piece existed thanks to you two, and without one it is doomed.
But, as they say, everything in life is temporary, as scary as it sounds. Nevertheless, the good news is that this also applies to pain. However, there are a few things that can help us deal with the loss a little easier. Steps we need to take to reach ourselves again:
Give yourself time. As much time as we need to suffer all the suffering in our souls. Maybe it's a good idea to disconnect from the world for a few days and stay alone, immerse ourselves in the memories of this person and just cry.
Cry as much as you need to. Without saying to ourselves that we should be strong and without forbidding ourselves to feel pain. Even if we haven't talked to this friend every day, we have the right to be hurt, we are not unworthy of grieving for them. Let's allow ourselves to get rid of all the emotions we have closed in order to be free.
Remember them. Just because someone is gone from our lives, doesn't mean we have to pretend they've never been a part of it. They will live only in our memories and that is why we must not let them be erased from our memories.
Forgive yourself. Let's forgive ourselves for not doing something, even though it was beyond our power. Let's forgive ourselves that we were not next to them, that we were not their support in their last moments. Forgiveness is most difficult to give when we have to give it to ourselves. But it is also the most needed.
Allow yourself to be happy again. Time will pass and it will become easier for us to go on with our lives. We should not just punish ourselves for this. We must not forget that this person remains a part of us forever and there is no reason to suffer anymore.
Losing someone is the hardest thing that can ever happen. But it is also something we cannot escape. That is why our point of view on this event is important. Therefore, we must go through all the phases of loss to reach a moment of calmness. Right there, at this moment, the friend we lost will be waiting for us, and we will realise that they never actually left. We just have to allow ourselves to believe it. Until we meet again.
